DIY Overcooked Spaghetti

“Wow! This is the best spaghetti recipe I’ve ever tried! Even my toothless cat could munch on the spaghetti, and when she’s happy, I’m happy.”-spaghettichamp37

“You can’t buy spaghetti like this in stores”-foodie920

“This pasta changed my life. I had never thought about putting ketchup on noodles while I was sober before today! It is simply revolutionary.”-hipsterblogger876

“My hookup buddy tried this spaghetti and told me he never wanted to date! Thanks, Yikes magazine.”-sarahsucksonspaghetti

“This spaghetti goes great with a glass of warm milk! It’s the perfect way to surprise your guests.”-noods4life

“The last time I had pasta this life-changing was when I was writing my very first cookbook and I had to seduce the publisher. This is truly a stellar recipe, Yikes magazine.”-Ina Garten

Overcooked spaghetti is an important thing to learn how to make on your own. I’m not aware of any stores or websites that sell it pre-made, and restaurants who specialize in cooking it do not advertise it. Overcooked spaghetti is the perfect meal to make for the guy you’re into, but don’t want to “wife you up.” It’s also perfect for when your mother asks you to make you dinner, and you’ll do it once, but never again. It works when you want your boyfriend’s mom to stop coming over for dinner and when you want someone to take pity on you and cook you food. It will change your life, AND It’s a fairly easy recipe to whip up, requiring only a minimum amount of time and ingredients.

Ingredients:

To make overcooked spaghetti, you will need

One (1) box of uncooked, grocery store brand spaghetti

One (1) jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce

*Note- If you really dislike this boy’s personality and have very little respect for him, you may substitute the jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce for a bottle of ketchup.

One (1) empty pot large enough to boil water

One (1) colander

One (1) source of water

One (1) stove

One (1) mystery novel

One (1) broken timer

Instructions

  1. Fill the pot with water and place on the stove.
  2. Turn the stove on and bring the water to a boil.
  3. Open the box of spaghetti, and dump the raw noodles into the pot of boiling water.
  4. Set the broken timer to whichever number you desire.
  5. Forget that the timer is broken.
  6. Begin to read the mystery novel.
  7. After you have read approximately 100 pages of the mystery novel, suddenly remember that the timer is broken and go check on the spaghetti.
  8. Turn off the stove and pour the spaghetti into the colander.
  9. If you correctly followed each of these steps, the spaghetti should be mushy. It should be so mushy that your toothless great-great grandmother could munch on it. It should also be stuck together in a ball so thick you need a steak knife to cut up and dole out portions.
  10. Douse this ball of mushy spaghetti in either the store-bought sauce or ketchup.
  11. Serve with a flourish and a smile while wearing minimal clothing.